Advertisments: Free Gizka
Does anyone want any Gizka? All you have to do is show up and take them. There's nothing else needed. Please take some. Take all of them. In the name of all that's HOLY please help me get rid of these little cretinous pieces of......I mean, nice household pets. Wonderful for children.
Advertisements: New Game!
New TIE Fighter game released
Now you can fly the Empire's trademark starfighter in a campaign to protect the galaxy from pirates and rebels. Includes an immersive storyline and 7 military campaigns.
Politics: Senator Organa new legislation?
Senator Organa has been deep in private meetings with fellow Senators and political leaders. Some speculate he is planning to introduce new legislation as nothing of critical importance is expected to come up for some time now.
Headline News: Conspiracy Theorist Taken into Custody for his own Safety
Maloor Numb, a Sullustan known for his wacky take on history
was taken into custody by Mental Health personnel for his own protection. He is
known for several of his crackpot publications, most notable of which are his
insistence on believing that the Jedi Civil War involved the use of a titanic
ancient space station fueled by the Dark Side and that in the aftermath of that
war the Jedi were largely purged by a man who was cut into pieces and another
who could supposedly eat the lifeforce of whole planets.
While largely dismissed as a kook, his latest book has prompted a lot of controversy, connected as it is with the more immediate past. His book insists that the Naboo blockade ten years before the Clone War was orchestrated by Senator Palpatine to build up popular support for him and that he is the one who crippled Chancellor Valorum's ability to lead in order to prompt his removal and replacement by himself.
He weaves together a web of conspiracies involving a red-faced assassin supporting the Trade Federation and suggests he is tied to Palpatine. Then he claims that Dooku and Palpatine conspired together to create the Clone War in order to justify the creation of a large-scale military and weaken the Jedi. He then uses other information to attempt to concoct the ridiculous notion that the Jedi were not responsible for the assault on the Chancellor but that the Jedi discovered the Chancellor's 'plot' with Dooku and moved to arrest him and the Chancellor then moved to eliminate the Jedi as a threat to his rule. This is ended with him conjuring up the old religion of the Sith and insisting that the Emperor is some kind of sorcerer of dark magics.
He said in his last press conference before being arrested:
"It's obvious if you put the pieces together. Why was there a request to repair the Chancellor's office right after the assassination plot? He obviously used Force Magics to throw someone out the window. WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!!"
We hope that he receives the help he needs and can recover from his delusions.
While largely dismissed as a kook, his latest book has prompted a lot of controversy, connected as it is with the more immediate past. His book insists that the Naboo blockade ten years before the Clone War was orchestrated by Senator Palpatine to build up popular support for him and that he is the one who crippled Chancellor Valorum's ability to lead in order to prompt his removal and replacement by himself.
He weaves together a web of conspiracies involving a red-faced assassin supporting the Trade Federation and suggests he is tied to Palpatine. Then he claims that Dooku and Palpatine conspired together to create the Clone War in order to justify the creation of a large-scale military and weaken the Jedi. He then uses other information to attempt to concoct the ridiculous notion that the Jedi were not responsible for the assault on the Chancellor but that the Jedi discovered the Chancellor's 'plot' with Dooku and moved to arrest him and the Chancellor then moved to eliminate the Jedi as a threat to his rule. This is ended with him conjuring up the old religion of the Sith and insisting that the Emperor is some kind of sorcerer of dark magics.
He said in his last press conference before being arrested:
"It's obvious if you put the pieces together. Why was there a request to repair the Chancellor's office right after the assassination plot? He obviously used Force Magics to throw someone out the window. WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!!"
We hope that he receives the help he needs and can recover from his delusions.
Headline News: Hull Breach on Zel Sonn Station
The Balanced Equipped Animal Response (BEAR) patrol on Zel
Sonn Station suffered a catastrophe when the patrol sighted what they believed
to be a carnivorous animal. They cornered it on the observation deck and opened
fire with pistols, rifles, light repeaters, and two missile launchers. This
resulted in the death of the suspected creature but also a breach in the
transparisteel resulting in the entire patrol and 12 others dying from vacuum
exposure.
Recovery of the debris indicates that the carnivorous creature in question was a Quarren trader and that the BEAR patrol had a BAC level well in excess of the legal limit to operate a firearm, operate a moving vehicle, or even discern basic shapes.
With repairs still underway on getting power fully restored the Station administrator is believed to be about to place the Station under martial law and cries to disband the BEAR patrol are being met with cries that the BEAR patrol is now more necessary than ever and the BEAR patrol has continued its massive recruiting drive.
Recovery of the debris indicates that the carnivorous creature in question was a Quarren trader and that the BEAR patrol had a BAC level well in excess of the legal limit to operate a firearm, operate a moving vehicle, or even discern basic shapes.
With repairs still underway on getting power fully restored the Station administrator is believed to be about to place the Station under martial law and cries to disband the BEAR patrol are being met with cries that the BEAR patrol is now more necessary than ever and the BEAR patrol has continued its massive recruiting drive.
Headline News: Security Increased in the Deep Core
The
Deep Core of the Galaxy is navigationally dangerous and few travel there
recreationally. Reports of strange planets and monsters keep turning up. Now
the Emperor with the approval of the Senate has implemented a new security plan
that will guard the Deep Core from seditious elements. Stating that several
planets have been used as bases by pirates and rebel elements the Deep Core has
been declared restricted.
There will be an increased military presence at all checkpoints and passage into the area will require special permissions from the Imperial Navy. All ship captains and shipping organizations with legitimate business in the area are advised to contact their suppliers and/or buyers in the area for them to request a license to enter the area. Through background checks will be required for all captains and crew passing into the area
There will be an increased military presence at all checkpoints and passage into the area will require special permissions from the Imperial Navy. All ship captains and shipping organizations with legitimate business in the area are advised to contact their suppliers and/or buyers in the area for them to request a license to enter the area. Through background checks will be required for all captains and crew passing into the area
Headline News: Jedi Terrorists Attack on Coruscant
A group of anarchists struck on Imperial Center attacking
and destroying Imeici Spire, a new COMPNOR construction project. We spoke to
Durool Sedwyn, a member of COMPNOR's Select committee:
HGN: What was the intended purpose of the building?
DS: It was to serve as a central installation for several branches of COMPNOR activities. While the ISB and Compforce had a few stations on floors within the building the majority of the building was dedicated to our SubAdult Group and the Coalition for Progress. One new program that was to be based there was to provide free infant formula for mothers willing to enroll their children later in our SAGroup. It also contained some of our finest Art, Science, and Commerce division representatives, many of whom died in the explosion.
HGN: Is there any information on how the terrorists were able to access the building?
DS: Security was not intense on the building site as there were no real targets. It is not a military installation nor were there any critical military, intelligence, or political personnel on the site. This was a cowardly attack on a civilian target.
HGN: What does this mean for the future of COMPNOR?
DS: We will have to temporarily disperse our operations. We are also asking the Emperor to grant the ISB additional powers to prevent an atrocity like this from ever happening again.
HGN: What about the perpetrators of the attack?
DS: We have visual ID's on all of them. We are not releasing them to the public but all military personnel and customs officials have their names and images on file. We will prevent them from getting off-planet and we're tightening the net on them as we speak.
HGN: Thank you for your time.
HGN: What was the intended purpose of the building?
DS: It was to serve as a central installation for several branches of COMPNOR activities. While the ISB and Compforce had a few stations on floors within the building the majority of the building was dedicated to our SubAdult Group and the Coalition for Progress. One new program that was to be based there was to provide free infant formula for mothers willing to enroll their children later in our SAGroup. It also contained some of our finest Art, Science, and Commerce division representatives, many of whom died in the explosion.
HGN: Is there any information on how the terrorists were able to access the building?
DS: Security was not intense on the building site as there were no real targets. It is not a military installation nor were there any critical military, intelligence, or political personnel on the site. This was a cowardly attack on a civilian target.
HGN: What does this mean for the future of COMPNOR?
DS: We will have to temporarily disperse our operations. We are also asking the Emperor to grant the ISB additional powers to prevent an atrocity like this from ever happening again.
HGN: What about the perpetrators of the attack?
DS: We have visual ID's on all of them. We are not releasing them to the public but all military personnel and customs officials have their names and images on file. We will prevent them from getting off-planet and we're tightening the net on them as we speak.
HGN: Thank you for your time.
Advertisements: Help COMPNOR, Help the Ignorant
Do you want to help the downtrodden, the ignorant, the
stupid, and the mindlessly violent become useful to society? Help COMPNOR make
use of dumb animals by signing up to serve with such projects as NAMIR (Native
Management and Industrialization Service) on Gamorr or SMAMP (Spice Miner Armed
Motivation Patrol) on Kessel. See your local COMPNOR representative today.
Entertainment: New Holovid: Sordid Secrets of the Jedi
Watch the final hours of the Jedi as they plot the murder of
the Supreme Chancellor with head of the Jedi Council Yoda played by gungan
Yar-Nal Biggers. Watch as he plots the decimation of all that is good and
decent:
"Meesa gonna take over the Republic."
"Yousa gonna slay the Chancellor."
"Fear leadsa to Suffering. Meesa gonna put much fear in yousa."
With epic lightsaber battles we portray the fall of the Jedi Temple as the Imperial troops rush against time to save the young untrained Jedi from being murdered by their masters to prevent their rescue. Delve into the secrets of the occult. Can a cult of this much power be brought down? Yes, you know it happened. Now find out how.
See it now.
"Meesa gonna take over the Republic."
"Yousa gonna slay the Chancellor."
"Fear leadsa to Suffering. Meesa gonna put much fear in yousa."
With epic lightsaber battles we portray the fall of the Jedi Temple as the Imperial troops rush against time to save the young untrained Jedi from being murdered by their masters to prevent their rescue. Delve into the secrets of the occult. Can a cult of this much power be brought down? Yes, you know it happened. Now find out how.
See it now.
Society: top 10 worst and/or most dangerous occupations
HGN has compiled a list of the top 10 worst and/or most
dangerous occupations in the galaxy:
10. Moisture Farmer Day Laborer
9. Spice Prostitute
8. Dianoga Trainer
7. Starship septic tank cleaner
6. NAMIS (Native Management and Industrialization Service) worker on Gamorr
5. Separatist
4. Singing Telegram
3. Assistant Spice Prostitute
2. Enslaved Hutt Cleaner
1. Being a Gungan
10. Moisture Farmer Day Laborer
9. Spice Prostitute
8. Dianoga Trainer
7. Starship septic tank cleaner
6. NAMIS (Native Management and Industrialization Service) worker on Gamorr
5. Separatist
4. Singing Telegram
3. Assistant Spice Prostitute
2. Enslaved Hutt Cleaner
1. Being a Gungan
Headline News: BEAR patrol shoots wrong targets on Zel Sonn Station
The Balanced Equipped Animal Response team on Zel Sonn
Station has so far been responsible for multiple incidents on the station. The
first involved the BEAR patrol gunning down a harmless Kowakian monkey lizard
owned by a small boy as a pet.
Shortly after that two Cathar were mistaken for predatory cats and gunned down on the Promenade.
The final incident involved the sighting of what was believed to be a swarm of carnivorous rodents. Reported one of the BEAR patrol: "They were nasty evil looking things with huge ears, huge sharp teeth, and horrible twitching noses covered with what we could only assume to be sharp poison tipped whiskers. When we approached they ran from us as if to regroup for a massive assault. We realized that had all gone into one of the Ion engine rooms, probably to plan their next move. We called in our heavy weapons team and struck before they could get us first. We opened the door and opened fire with Blaster Rifles, Cannons, Grenade Launchers, Rocket Launchers, and Nerve Gas. All in all, I think the engagement was a victory as we wiped out the enemy and sustained no casualties. The BEAR patrol works."
Xenobiologists insist that the 'enemy' was a gentle herbivore. There have been rolling blackouts throughout the station as engineers attempt to repair the damaged Ion engine though they have been hampered by radiation and nerve gas residue. Said one engineer, "We need to stop the BEAR patrol before they kill us all."
Shortly after that two Cathar were mistaken for predatory cats and gunned down on the Promenade.
The final incident involved the sighting of what was believed to be a swarm of carnivorous rodents. Reported one of the BEAR patrol: "They were nasty evil looking things with huge ears, huge sharp teeth, and horrible twitching noses covered with what we could only assume to be sharp poison tipped whiskers. When we approached they ran from us as if to regroup for a massive assault. We realized that had all gone into one of the Ion engine rooms, probably to plan their next move. We called in our heavy weapons team and struck before they could get us first. We opened the door and opened fire with Blaster Rifles, Cannons, Grenade Launchers, Rocket Launchers, and Nerve Gas. All in all, I think the engagement was a victory as we wiped out the enemy and sustained no casualties. The BEAR patrol works."
Xenobiologists insist that the 'enemy' was a gentle herbivore. There have been rolling blackouts throughout the station as engineers attempt to repair the damaged Ion engine though they have been hampered by radiation and nerve gas residue. Said one engineer, "We need to stop the BEAR patrol before they kill us all."
Headline News: Gelnar Tol Reported Missing
A lead Kuat ship designer, a Duros named Gelnar Tol was
reported missing one week ago. He was abducted while on leave on the planet
Kuat. Gelnar Tol is responsible for designing the refit of the Vindicator Heavy
Cruiser into the Interdictor and was one of the lead designers on the Imperial
Star Destroyer project. He is the third Kuat Ship Engineer to go missing this
year.
Sienar Fleet Systems, the Corellian Engineering Corporation, Koensayr Manufacturing, the Loronar Corporation, and Rendili Stardrive have all reported that some of their top engineers have gone missing in the last three years.
So far no one has claimed responsibility for these abductions though Imperial sources suspect Separatist terrorists looking to build warships for a campaign against the Empire. The Emperor's public affairs office insists that these abductions should show the good people of the galaxy that the Empire's shipbuilding program is needed for the common defense.
Sienar Fleet Systems, the Corellian Engineering Corporation, Koensayr Manufacturing, the Loronar Corporation, and Rendili Stardrive have all reported that some of their top engineers have gone missing in the last three years.
So far no one has claimed responsibility for these abductions though Imperial sources suspect Separatist terrorists looking to build warships for a campaign against the Empire. The Emperor's public affairs office insists that these abductions should show the good people of the galaxy that the Empire's shipbuilding program is needed for the common defense.
Headline News: Jedi Terrorists Strike on the Planet Nizon
A group of Jedi terrorists recently launched a series of
terrorist strikes on the planet Nizon. Nizon, a small planet on the Outer Rim
is a primitive world that previously sided with the Separatists. Following the
war, the Empire placed a garrison on the planet and sent in specialists to help
the natives modernize their society.
The Empire's generosity was rebuffed cruelly and under the instigation of Jedi terrorists their anarchistic tendencies were fanned into flame again. The maddened natives looted Imperial armories and slaughtered Imperial forces and civilian workers and traders on the planet. The death toll is estimated at this time to be 493 civilians dead, including 130 children. Imperial forces heroically bought time for the evacuation of the survivors. Determining that a battle to retake the planet would cause a bloodbath on both sides the Imperial army has withdrawn for the time until the situation changes.
Reports scattered throughout the galaxy from seditious elements have doctored holos and reports that the natives were being used as slave labor and that the natives rose up in reaction to this and that the entire garrison and a heavy cruiser were eliminated in the battle. These reports are false and possession and distribution of them qualifies as treason under the Emperor's Separatist Sedition Act.
The Empire's generosity was rebuffed cruelly and under the instigation of Jedi terrorists their anarchistic tendencies were fanned into flame again. The maddened natives looted Imperial armories and slaughtered Imperial forces and civilian workers and traders on the planet. The death toll is estimated at this time to be 493 civilians dead, including 130 children. Imperial forces heroically bought time for the evacuation of the survivors. Determining that a battle to retake the planet would cause a bloodbath on both sides the Imperial army has withdrawn for the time until the situation changes.
Reports scattered throughout the galaxy from seditious elements have doctored holos and reports that the natives were being used as slave labor and that the natives rose up in reaction to this and that the entire garrison and a heavy cruiser were eliminated in the battle. These reports are false and possession and distribution of them qualifies as treason under the Emperor's Separatist Sedition Act.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
